i guess change is certainly part of the parcel of life...

when the lifespan of a laptop changed from 5 years to probably a year... or less?
the handphone becoming a teething toy...
crying is the music to the ear...
toys are nearly at the top of the shopping list...
handbags are not so practical as it used to be...
lullaby and folksongs spring back to mind...

hehe... funny how things are the way they are.

as i stand there waiting for an answer, he drew his hand over her shoulder and said, "never mind, i'll take my own discharge then... that's it". his eyes fixed on her. love and concern over that frail anxious little woman.

a couple of hours earlier in a&e...
"i personally don't think it is safe for you to go home now. i know you feel better now but you'll need more treatment to get you right again. i'll have a look at your x-ray and blood results but i do feel you need to stay in"
and he said, "i really cannot leave her alone. it's midnight and what if anything happens to her overnight. our relatives are all down south. she'll be all by herself."
"but you are not well. you need more treatment"
he insists, "i feel better now after those nebulisers. i'll be all right now"
"i do think you need to stay in... at least have a think till i get back to you"

half and hour earlier...
"right... so you've arrived to the ward. i had a look at your chest x-ray and your blood results. although they are not too serious, you would still require treatment in the hospital. you do need to stay in..."
"i really can't love... i cannot leave her alone. who'll look after her. you see my wife is very precious and there's no one at home. we've been married for 35 years and i cannot afford to lose her" he said as he put his hand around her shoulder.
"you know if you insists on going home, it'll have to be against medical advice. do you understand the risks involved?"
"i know... but we'll be allright, won't we. i can't leave her all by herself" and still his eyes were fixed onto her. that frail little woman.
i am touched but i'm also stuck. becoming the evil third person. as if i am forcing them to separate. as if i am divorcing them. as if i am tearing them apart.
"let me see what i can do... just hang in there"

after discussing with the sister in charge... considering it's already 3 in the morning and how reluctant this 74 years old gentleman to stay in because of his wife, we decided we'll let his wife stay so long his wife doesn't require any care from the nursing staff. as i broke the news to him, he leap with joy and hug his wife again. he finally agreed to stay... at least until the consultant came around.

he only think about her. she's his heart and soul. love is blinding. love makes one becomes a fool. but he really need to take good care of himself if he wants to continue taking care of his wife. and as evil as i felt earlier as if i am trying to separate the two binded soul, at least i feel better in the end knowing he'll get the treatment he needed.

ain't love so special... you bet it is.

i find this very very funny... but relevant. ahaha =D

hmm... whilst driving home yesterday, this thought sprang into mind. how and why are we paid? what makes the difference?

some are paid for brain and responsibility...
some are paid for the amount of energy they can offer...
some paid for their patience and care...
some paid for entertaining others...

now, which of those get the most paid? which get the least? and who makes the rule about how much one earns?

i think this thought crosses my mind even more so when working in this new place... and working with over 75 years old. the elderly. the frail. and the vulnerable. they need care as much as little children do.

fair enough the nurses in the hospital get paid according to their shift and level of skills they have. but those working in residential home or nursing home sometimes get just the basic salary. and one can only admit that that could be one of the hardest job on earth. they must have patience... endurance... and most of all, they must have a lot of love and care to offer. but then again... reality contradicts.

now... someone who actually empty the bins for a living. they have the energy to do it. they do what others don't want to do. but who determined their pay? are they not doing such a good job to be paid the same amount for someone who sit in an office and type letters? just because the latter can read and type? hmm... i don't know.

is the paid actually corresponds to how much you spent to acquire knowledge? i.e... if you go to university... spending more money on education, therefore, you get paid more. hmm... still not necessarily.

hmm... did i manage to get you confused? i did. hehe. and i still cannot find the answer or the reason. live and let's live.

a group of alumni, all established in their careers, got together to visit one of their old university professor. cpnversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and a variety of cups - porcelain, plastic, crystal, glass, some plain-looking, some expensive, some exquisite.

when all the students have a cup of coffee in hand, then the professor said;
"if you noticed, all the nice-looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to only want the best for yourselves, that is the source of problem and stress for you.

be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. in most cases, it is just more expensive and in some cases, it even hides what we drink. what all of you really wanted is the coffee, not the cup. but you conciously went for the best cups... and then you began eyeing each other's cups.

now, consider this... life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in the society are the cups. they are just tools to hold on and contain life. and the type of cup we have does not define nor change the quality of life we live.

sometimes, by concentrating on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee.

enjoy your coffee!!"

---

now, isn't that good stuff?

sometimes it is so cliche to talk about weather here. it's not really interesting but more often than not, it is still a topic to talk about. even if it is only to break the ice.

hmm... yesterday we had snow. and first time steering in the snow, i find myself happy. it is very beautiful. snowflakes falling onto the windshields. snows covering the grass and roof. picturesque! wished i'd taken a few piccies... sigh.

and today, i find myself driving in rain. and in darkness. just as i thought that it could have been worse, halfway down the road, the fog started to unveil itself. it is never a good idea to drive any faster when visibility is limited to few yards, and furthermore, when the road is as slipery. anyhow, made it home safe and sound. alhamdulillah.

hmmm... fact is still a fact. it' winter. and my brain freezes.

oh dear... 2007 has ended!

hmm... time surely flies. it has been a good year indeed. a lot has happened in this short 365 days of 2007. i cannot really say if all my resolutions has been achieved as i don't put down a list to begin with. i guess the real question for me would be, have i changed?

in all obviousness, i did. heh. a big change indeed. a bundle of joy and responsibility is now part and parcel of my every breath. and also to be the companion of another soul through thick and thin of life... i guess i have not done too badly. and ever more, looking back, i think it has been a worthwhile journey.

work is entering a new phase. the honeymoon period post-graduation has since passed. responsibility is growing and to grow is the only way to survive. the only way to move forward. after all, it's work. it's not going to be easy-peasy right? haha. motivating self speech.

missing families back home, that's for sure... missing home, missing friends. in all fairness, insyaAllah, will be back again sometime this year. i will be looking forward for that!

happy new year everybody!
may 2008 be another great year to each and everyone of us.

sometimes i wish it is always easy and true to say that work is good. or work is going 'fab'... like what they usually says here when somehing goes well. but quite so many times, one starts to question the choice made; "what have i put myself into?"

like last friday when i came home near midnight following twelve hours shift in the bloody cold weather. like drinking only a bottle of ribena and not passing wee for almost a day! like yesterday when i realised that i no longer the most junior person and have to lead a ward round. *shriekkkk* oh boy oh boy... butterfly in the tummy i tell you. and when days like today emerged, confidence is as thin as ice. fragile is the feeling.

hmm... i like to believe i enjoy work. and i did. i am sure i did. even though if it is not all the time. and more often than not, i enjoyed it once it has passed. things that felt like crap, which in retrospect, is quite exciting and interesting.

but then again... am i adequate enough to be a good one?

the question that lingers in this tiny compresssed brain...

a friend's answer to another's question kept the teaching session we had quite interesting.

"so what about you... have you found your prince charming?"
"nope... they're all frogs," she said.

this reminds me of shrek. heh. particularly for the fact that it contradicts the typical notion of fairy tale. some people cannot accept it but i find it rather amusing. very cynical and a fine piece indeed.

it is an irony that instead of turning into a beautiful princess... fiona becomes the female version of shrek. instead of tall, dark and handsome hero... we are presented with a rather weird-looking, green and not-so-handsome hero. he is the total opposite of what "most" would consider as ideal but nevertheless... he is sill quite adorable. if not to all, at least to the one that capture his heart... princess fiona.

i guess in the end, it all falls down to expectations. and this is perfectly presented in one of the scene of shrek 3 when fiona said to all the heroin, "everybody... assume into position!" if you haven't seen the movie, have a guess what happen there... hehe.

so back to the initial story... don't you need to kiss a frog to turn him into a prince? hehe... go figure.

well... i'd say a picture says a thousand words...

i think we can safely conclude that the 'beginner's luck' is definitely gone for me. uhuk... uhuk...