sometimes we dwell too much in the illness and in the jobs not done, that we forget to look up and see the beauty of health and happiness, and the jobs well done... it is ever so natural i guess.

too many sweaty clammy patients to deal with that once they are stable, they goes to the bottom of your list to see... occasionally catching glimpse of their smiley faces with the physio, on the road to recovery... whilst you move on to the next sweaty clammy patient. not that you don't want to stay with them till the end... till they've gone home... but the fact is someone else needed you, you just have to move on...

yesterday i was told off by a consultant for not seeing a patient of his, which in retrospect is quite stable, only needing respite and some other non-urgent follow up. in fact, i have seen all the rest of the patients on the ward... but he is one of the good one in this 'lovely' speciality which i still cannot find a place for in my heart. and he was disappointed. and so was I. to think that i have neglected a patient... *sigh*

however later that day, a staff nurse told me about a patient who asked her to spell my name because she thinks i am wonderful and i listen to her. and indeed the day before i did spent literally 45 minutes listening to her... i guess she has lots to get off her chest... and today, walking into a cubicle of four quite elderly gentleman... i was greeted and told they were just talking about me earlier and a consensus made that i look after them well and deserve a pat on the back... i nearly ran away from that room. *me is not so good with spotlight*

i felt relieved... at least i know i did my job. and i know i did make some people gets better. i felt the drive again to work... to go the extra miles to sort out the patients. and further to my suprise today, the consultant came back onto the ward and actually apologise for his temper the day before... which is a very rare thing to happen in general and for that i respect him. but lesson learnt. done and dusted.

i guess as much as i don't enjoy this speciality i'm doing at present, i know i have given my best to sort them out medically... to make them better. and for that i can smile and be satisfied. it's not the consultant who i need to please as such. it's the patient that i need to focus on. and at the end of the day, their smile makes all the mess and the jobs worthwhile... besides the pay to keep me alive of course! ahaks